Friday, February 5, 2010

Sincerely Yours, Johnny, P.S. We should be together too

You've reached Dave Dombrowski of the Detroit Tigers. Please leave a message.

Um, um,
Dear Dave, you still ain't called or wrote like I expected.
I ain't mad, I just think it's f***ed up that I'm disrespected.
If you don't want to talk to me and give me 13 million bucks
You don't have to, but without me your team is gonna suck.
I'm a franchise player man. I'm 36 years old.
My agent says I got a body of gold. If you don't believe him you just don't know.
That's pretty s***ty, man. I'ma make your team a winner.
I've been disrespected all winter and you better reconsider.
I ain't that mad, but I gotta feed my family dinner.
Remember when I said that stuff about Boston? I wasn't bitter
But I feel like that. It's like this year in a way. The Yankees don't respect me either.
They like Alex, Mark, and Jeter.
See, I can relate to Chrysler, GM, and Ford
So when I'm not the biggest star I will admit that I get bored
But you don't really got s*** else so I'ma bring you to October
And I'ma win it singlehandedly if Cabrera is hung over.
Sometimes I play so hard, I hit a wall, it makes me bleed
Because almost as much as money, I'ma play hard for the team.
The Yankees disrespected me 'cause all my words are real
And they just hate when they say I can't still play center field
But they don't know me like you can know me, Dave. No one does.
They don't like what it's like to take a big pay cut.
You gotta call me man. I'ma be the Tigers' savior.
You should give me thirteen million or I'ma rip you in the paper.

The Grammys probably haven't been worth watching since 2001.

3 comments:

The GM said...

Haven't done one of these for a while. At least it's better than Peter Abraham's "night before Christmas" that made me want to jump off of a tall building.

Have a great weekend, folks.

John said...

How long did you waste making that? Don't get me wrong... I laughed at it, but honestly, how long did you waste?

the gm said...

John, as I texted you, you know I can put together stuff like that pretty quickly. I got the idea when I was writing Wednesday night's post, then wrote down a rhyme or two on Thursday morning, then sat down and wrote the whole thing in about 25 minutes on Friday. Then I left it on Pat F's voicemail.