Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Yo Quiero Mas Dinero

May 5, 2008, 9:05 AM

Scott Boras announced today that he is suing Yum! Brands for royalties his client, Jacoby Ellsbury, deserves. In Game 2 of the 2007 World Series, Ellsbury, a member of the Boston Red Sox, stole second base. This stolen base implemented the offer of a free beef taco to everyone in America from Taco Bell, a division of Yum! Brands, in the "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" campaign. Boras claims that his client's contributions generated a great deal of "marketing revenue" and that his client deserves a cut of said revenue.

"I was thinking somewhere in the vicinity of one hundred percent," Boras said.

As the clock struck midnight last night, Boras promptly faxed forty pages worth of notes and projections to how much money Taco Bell made through the "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion. His estimates of $40 million are almost double the assumption that the fast food chain gained $8 million in free advertising (according to CNBC) and $12 million in profit margin through sales of other products while customers picked up their free 77-cent taco on October 30, 2007.

"Jacoby Ellsbury is singlehandedly responsible for a staggering amount of Taco Bell's revenue in the 2007 fiscal year," said Boras. "He may be only 25, but he projects to be a better spokesman than even Peyton Manning. And that guy's pretty good, if you like six-foot-five, 230-pound quarterbacks with a laser, rocket arm."

Taco Bell executive Robert Savage was shocked and chagrined by the effrontery of Boras, stating that if there were any other talks, he would have been open to tossing a few dollars to Ellsbury, who is making the major league minimum as a rookie this year. "I never got a single phone call from him or any offer to settle," Savage said. "There was no prior communication."

Savage was also irked by the timing of this announcement. "I don't think there is a coincidence that Boras sent this fax to a Mexican-American food chain on the first minute of Cinco de Mayo." Savage said he had already received phone calls from the Mexican embassy, claiming that the timing of this publicity stunt was disrespectful to the magnitude of Cinco de Mayo, a holiday celebrated in both the United States and Mexico, two of the countries most passionate about baseball.

According to the Boras document, Ellsbury wants a series of "marketing incentives," as October 30 broke the all-time record of taco transactions in a three-hour period. Boras and Ellsbury are requesting a total of $40 million: $7 million for eclipsing the fifth to second largest transaction totals in the history of Taco Bell. They are requesting an additional $12 million for beating the all-time record set between 11PM and 2AM on May 25, 2006, reportedly a result of the munchies encountered by Taco Bell junkie J. Lester and friends in Nashua, New Hampshire.

When Ellsbury was contacted, he was unaware of any of these legal proceedings. Fellow Boras client Johnny Damon, currently the New York Yankees' fourth outfielder, called us to offer the following statement: "Jacob E. Ellsbury, um, got disrespected by Taco Bell, um, just like I got, um, disrespected by the, um, Red Sox. He's just one of many, um, players who, had to replace, um, me."

Jacoby Ellsbury, as noted in the comments section of the last post, has climbed aboard the Scott Boras bandwagon. I understand that Boras does a very good and comprehensive job in getting his clients the most money. But at the same time, he engages in predatory negotiating practices. I have said this many times already, but I would say that selecting Boras to represent you is basically to say that you prioritize things other than winning when it comes to your baseball career. That is not okay with me and I don't want people like that on my favorite team. I know it's inevitable, especially with a team that 1) isn't afraid to overspend on baseball players and 2) has a good relationship with this slimeball. But after the way this winter started for Boras, I was hopeful that players would realize the stigma that is associated by being a Scott Boras client.

Maybe they do, but they just don't care. And it hurts especially hard when it's Ellsbury that knows but doesn't care. I was looking forward to rooting for a guy who can hit, run, and play center field, but isn't a total idiot with a big mouth and bigger ego. I thought there was the opportunity to keep this guy as a somewhat cost-effective way to win games. But now there won't be any long-term deals, just arbitration fights and losing the guy to free agency. And those headaches will be taking place shortly after the best off-season of my life (the 2011 offseason, when we are finally free toniiiiight from Nancy Drew).

Rationally, this is not that big of a deal. But when I'm trying to be human--optimistic and emotional--this one hurts really bad. I have been very critical of Boras clients on the Red Sox because, after all, they're Boras clients. It's hard to think of them as Red Sox because they either 1) screwed the Red Sox or 2) will soon screw the Red Sox. No franchise needs guys like this. I really hope Ellsbury is traded for Saltalamacchia. Coco Crisp is not that bad, and having Saltalamacchia will prevent another long, arduous, soul-sucking Boras negotiation regarding Captain Intangible. Solving a catching problem for a long time, as well as taking two more Boras clients off the books, would be a better solution for the Red Sox than acquiring Santana.


Jared said...

before it can be said just what kind of effect Ellsbury had on Taco Bell's sales for the day of the promotion, you must first look at overall Challupa consumption on previous tuesdays for the last 24 months. As you may see, i took a small break from taco bell during the early spring of 2007 in order to rgain control of my colon;however, upon recovery i picked up where i left off, and taco bell's sales rose dramatically.

For boras to assert that these gains in profits that taco bell saw were a direct result of his client would be wrong. By offering me a free taco, TBell was giving me incentive to smoke massive amounts of herbal marijuana (for medicinal use, i had ADD) and as a result i was then forced to purchase large quantities of chalupas.

It is based on this, that i am suing both Taco Bell and Scott Boras, asking for my cut in the success of this campaign and the company overall.

The GM said...


If a brief, oblique mention of your extracurricular activities elicits responses like the one you just posted, I should do it in every post.

Yum! is a publically-owned company. There is no reason you shouldn't invest in them immediately. Well, unless you're afraid of being sued by Boras.